Guest Post - Date Night on a Budget

Our guest post this week comes from Elizabeth Syptak who is currently tackling her first year of marriage and motherhood. Enjoy!

One of the most common pieces of marriage advice I have been given has been in relation to the importance of taking time for date nights. Regular time spent with your spouse (or fiancé or sigO [significant other] as my family calls them) is so important to maintaining a healthy relationship. However, this healthy time together can sometimes be overshadowed by the thought of spending (too much) money!

Before we get started, consider these two foundational principles of a date night:

FIRST - Planning ahead. The most expensive dates can often be the “spur of the moment” dates. If you plan ahead you can keep an eye out for deals, coupons or free events. There is nothing wrong with using a BOGO on a date (maybe not the first date though). If it suits you, keep an eye on your local community events calendar. Outdoor festivals or activities are a great way to get out of the house and see something new!

SECOND - Leaving your phone at home... or in the car or in your purse or in your pocket. Be with the one you are with. Want to take a picture? Great! But #latergram that thing because there is no greater gift you can give your loved ones than your TIME.

If the thought of cost effective courtship resonates with you, here a few ideas for how to go for a date without going for broke.

Go For a Walk. When was the last time you actually did this? (If PokémonGo just came to mind, tune in to next week's blog!) Find yourself a walking path, a pretty neighbourhood or a nearby park. You can always back a few homemade snacks (keep it simple with water and granola bars) or plan to end up near your favourite ice cream stop.  

Go For Coffee/Dessert. Time to check out that cute little café you've had your eye on. Order something you've never tried before or ask the employee to make you their favourite drink. If reading is your thing, bring along your favourite book.

Make Dinner. 9/10 times it will cost less if you make it yourself than if you dine out. If you're feeling adventurous, pick a Pinterest recipe and then work together to make the meal. If it turns out terribly, laugh it off and order a pizza.

Cheap Tuesday Movies. This a great alternative for date night on a budget. Buy your tickets online so you can skip the long lines. And remember, you're saving on the movie so you can feel a little less guilty for spending $8 on popcorn.

Throw Something. Find a Frisbee, football, basketball, baseball or whatever you are physically coordinated enough to exchange with someone in a sport context and go do it! An hour spent whipping a Frisbee around feels so much better than watching another episode of Whatever Show You're Binging On Lately. Take advantage of the good weather and your good health and go have fun!

And there you have it - five easy, relatively inexpensive date night ideas. For those of you with kids, consider turning one of those into a family activity. Stay tuned for a family fun bucket list in the weeks to come!

How About You - Do you have a cheap budget-friendly date night suggestion? Post it in the comments below!

Flourish

Last year I attended a women’s conference where the word "flourish" was spoken about.  At the time we were living in Kingston and while it seemed to be a season of financial growth for Andrew and I, we really felt stunted in a lot of other areas. We felt unbalanced and longed for a sense of community and belonging. We had been toying with the idea of moving and it was over the course of that conference weekend that I began to feel a peace and certainty that we should move. I felt that God had planted the word "flourish" in my heart as a glimpse of the opportunities He might be preparing for us.

This word really does paint a pretty picture. I envision brilliant blooms, bright and stunning. To flourish means to grow or develop in a healthy or vigorous way, especially as the result of a particularly favourable environment. The idea of flourishing gave me so much hope and allowed me to take on a number of unknowns. We took the plunge and made the move. All the while I had this hope in my heart that God was bringing us to a new place to flourish, to grow in ways that we felt lacking in, to be nourished in ways that we were longing for.

Imagine then my confusion when some aspects of our life weren’t pretty.  They didn’t feel like brilliant white blooms. They didn’t even feel like weeds. They looked and felt like nothing but dirt. In my desperation, I sat in my living room in the middle of the night. Through tears I said to God,

“I thought you brought us here to flourish. This doesn’t feel like flourishing at all!”

All I could keep thinking of was this word flourish which in my frustration had now been dubbed “such a stupid word”. I truly felt that God had brought us out of Kingston and into a new season of our lives and that it was to be for the good. I questioned why glimpses of good were still outweighed by hurt and disappointment.  A few days later I was sitting in church feeling like a jerk for getting frustrated with God. As I started apologizing, I felt God ask me,

“What does a flower look like before it blooms?”

I was immediately humbled and comforted all at the same time. The truth is that before a flower blooms it is just a seed. It is a seed that is buried in the dirt; cold, alone and probably covered in crap (literally).

For more than half a year I had put so much weight on this word “flourish” and had romanticized what our life, marriage, home, jobs and friendships would look like as they flourished and blossomed and became all that they could be. And there’s nothing wrong with chasing that vision or seeking God’s blessings in that way. But I was so focused on this concept of flourishing that I hadn’t taken time to realize that flourishing is the end result! I had forgotten about the process. Here I was expecting to be sitting in this place of beauty and blossoms but had forgotten that there would be a lot of grunt work in the process.

“Flourish” is a great word to have spoken over your life. It’s a great focus or a great mantra. But don’t get caught up in a word or idea or goal that you forget about the process. The process Andrew and I are in as we walk towards God’s version of flourishing in our life, our marriage, our home, our jobs and friendships isn’t as pretty now as what the end result will be. There are times when it has felt dark, lonely, cold and with no shortage of crap. Now that I understand the process I am so much more content to be in it!

So may you too come to a time of flourishing. May you bloom and blossom and flourish and thrive.
But may you be content in the time before that time.

May you become rooted in Him, firmly established in love, that you may have power, together with all of the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge –
that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.
- Ephesians 3:17-19

In whatever season we may find ourselves in, God is in relentless pursuit of our hearts. I encourage you to take a peek at what myChurch Ottawa is doing to encourage women of any age and stage to reach the fullness of their God-given potential. I know I'll be attending!

How about you - What season are you in? Are you “in the process” or have you come to the completion of a goal? Remember, seasons are cyclical. Take what you learned from the process this time around and prepare better for the challenges ahead. What verse(s) do you look to when facing discouragement? Who can you encourage today in their pursuit of flourishing?

Slow to Speak Revisited

In 2011 I started this blog as an attempt to sort my thoughts and to train my brain to process things before sharing them with the world. Years later I have a new appreciation for the "Slow to Speak" concept. There is no greater motivator to fine tuning your words and your actions than the sweet institution of marriage. I suppose that will change once littles are running around echoing the words they hear but for now my personal filtering and editing has greatly benefited my dear sweet husband.

When Andrew and I started dating we were I was curious to learn about what our love languages were. If you haven't heard the term before, it is used in reference to the ways that each person gives and receives love. It comes from Gary Chapman and his book The 5 Love Languages. (There are lots of quizzes online that can help you determine yours.) It became apparent that the primary way that Andrew received love and affection from me was through my words. This also identified the quickest route to his emotional destruction. James 3 says that although our tongue is a small part of our body it can do considerable damage.

Take ships as an example. Although they are so large and are driven by strong winds, they are steered by a very small rudder wherever the pilot wants to go.

I already had an understanding of the power of my words but now I had the greatest motivation in the world to really get things under control. This idea or goal of being a woman who was able to control her tongue and use her words to bless her husband (and others) was something I desired to be but I'll be honest - it was a struggle to the highest degree. And it still is.

And that is why I have decided to start this blog back up again. I know I'm not the only one out there who desperately wants to live a life that honours God, serves others and cherishes the ones she loves most. I also know I'm not the only one who can get caught up in an insta-binge, scrolling through countless photos of bright white kitchens, new born babes in flower crowns and aptly placed combinations of devotional notebooks, lattes and foliage. If you've ever taken one of those photos before, you'll have to admit that the first picture you took probably wasn't the one you posted. You take your time, see what goes together best, stand on a chair for the perfect angle, rearrange things to get better lighting, etc.

Editing is what it takes to create something better.

I want to be better. I want to be the best that I can - to honour the Lord and to serve others. I need some editing. I need to slow down, I need my attitude to be rearranged, I need to move closer to the Light. I need to be edited. Some would argue that editing or filtering who we are would take away from or hide our true self, our raw nature. But that is exactly the point. We are sinful, imperfect, impure. Without the covering (read: filter) of Christ, our true self, our raw nature is so ugly it's the last thing you would want to share with others. The Bible encourages us to regularly take into account our behaviours and to be transformed, starting by changing the way we think. God seeks to transform us, to edit us, to take us from what we are and to change us into something beautiful.

My hope is to create a community and a conversation - whether you are single, engaged, married, with kids or without kids, working in the world or at home - that is focused on editing out our sinful human nature, filtering our thoughts, words and actions for the edification of others. I want to invite you along for the journey, not because I have my life all figured out (nope!) but because we are designed for relationship and community. And like I said, I know I'm not the only one.

I intend to share based on a few aspects - spiritual development, personal reflection, creative projects and favourite recipes, just to name a few. In the spirit of building community and fostering connection, if you have a topic suggestion or saw something somewhere that other readers might appreciate, submit it in the Community Contribution section in the column on the right side of the page. (Please note these may be featured on occasion and are filtered for consideration.) I look forward to sharing with you in the days ahead!

My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this:

Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.
James 1:19