Are You Freaking Kidding Me.

About a year and a half ago, that sentence frequented my vocabulary. There were a lot of changes taking place in my life, all of which I had absolutely no control over. It was frustrating and heart breaking. Sure, that sounds a bit dramatic but quite frankly it was one of the most difficult times in my life thus far. I stood almost in disbelief half the time when faced with circumstances and decisions that I was not prepared to deal with. With each twist and turn I tried desperately to understand the "bigger picture" and purpose behind it all. As my life fell apart, I often said to myself, "Are you freaking kidding me."

A year and a half later, as I watch every last little bit of my life fall back into place, I keep saying to myself the same thing - "Are you freaking kidding me." I am overwhelmed with where God has brought me to over these last four years. I am so blessed. That's not a cliche little expression to me anymore.

While driving recently, I said to God, "Why me? Who am I that you would bless me with such great things? What could I have ever done to deserve all You've given me?" And you know what He said - "I don't need a reason to tell you I love you. You're my kid. It's never been about what you've done. It's always been about what I have done for you. There's nothing you could do to make me love you more or make me love you less. You're my kid and that's it."

I guess it just hit me. I know God loves me. We grow up in church hearing that all the time. But to get it... to really grasp that His love for me has absolutely nothing to do with me and everything to do with Him... that's something else. All I know is I'm so incredibly grateful. I have a warm bed, good food, great mentors, awesome friends, multiple families... And it's not because I deserve any of it.

If you've been wondering lately if the storm will end and the good times will roll once again... know that they do. It's taken so long for me but it's over. Those storms do pass and God is with you. Don't give up, ever. God will not leave you or abandon you.

There's a light at the end of the tunnel. And it's so freaking worth it.