Dam It.

You know what used to really annoy me? I'd be scrolling through Facebook or Twitter and I would see people's posts and tweets about how great their day was or how happy they are or something along the lines of "oh man, so blessed!!!" All this cheerful happy stuff was all over the place. Now, I'm no debbie downer. But hearing about all these other people being happy really annoyed me. Probably because I was jealous. I wasn't able to say the same things. Sure, things in my life were good. But I didn't have this gushing joy that I saw other people have. I was happy... but I wasn't joyful. I found myself trying to figure out why these people... who serve the same God I serve... who go to the same church I do... or who work the same job I do... where was their joy coming from?

Growing up in church, you learn about how sin separates you from God. People use the analogy of a wall of sin. I think we sometimes down play the huge ugly nature of sin. I think that not only does sin block us from getting to God, it blocks Him from getting to us. Now, I'm not saying that sin is more powerful than God or that sin can stop God. Nothing can stop God. God is great, mighty and powerful. But when we sin... and keep sinning... and keep ignoring the voice of God... we are building a huge frigging wall. Actually, it's a dam. When we sin, we are building a dam.

A dam keeps water from moving to a certain area. Think of God as the water. Think of His goodness and mercy and grace and love as the water. When we have crap in our lives (and chose to keep it there), we are blocking out all of God's goodness.

The other day I asked God, "Why all this goodness? Why now and not before?" And instantly I pictured the dam. Why did my life lack joy? Because I was blocking God out. Do I still have bad days? Sure. But I have found joy again. I'm that obnoxious tweeter going on about how I just don't have the words to describe how great God is and how faithful He has been. It was all within reach... on the other side of the dam.

This sin thing is no joke. If you can't figure out what's missing and why you feel empty even when you have so much... check your heart. No dam is worth keeping. God's gushing joy is so totally worth giving up whatever you've placed between you and God.You know that thing that hangs in the back of your mind and you just can't shake it? That's God speaking to you. Truth is though, you probably already knew that.

Would Holy Spirit bring popcorn or doritos?

I wrote this a few weeks ago and forgot to post it. Still perfectly relevant to my life though... 

Proverbs 27:1 says this - “Do not boast about tomorrow, for you do not know what a day may bring.”

When I first read this, I wondered the meaning behind the use of the word "boast". So, I looked it up.* The word boast here means to brag, go on and on or show excessive excitement. I like The Message translation which says, "Do not brashly announce what you're going to do tomorrow..."

"Does this mean I can't be stoked to about my life, even the God stuff?" I don't really think that's what this is referring to. 

See, I am a planner. I like to be organized and set for the day(s) ahead. In my job, I like to plan menus days in advance so I can prepare food ahead of time. I like to know what needs to happen and at what time. I feel like this is a good way for me to operate, especially when dealing with other people's food.

In life, I am a planning failure. Let me rephrase that - I have made plans. They have frequently failed. I heard the saying recently, "People plan and God laughs." It's not that God's a jerk sitting up in heaven going, "Hey Jesus, watch this.. what is she thinking? Oh man... I hope she let's me step in soon." (I'd like to think that They don't make snacks and settle in to watch for hours as I make a mess of my life, though it is a funny thought to picture...) 

My parents often ask me, "Where do you see yourself in five years?" I hate this question. It's rather unrealistic. Five years ago, I would have no idea I would be where I am right now, nor would I have any clue as to all that I have experienced in my last five years of living. 


I understand that you need to have goals to motivate yourself and give some sense of direction to your life. But as I said, I have made plans. And they have failed. So, why do plans fail?

Some of them failed because God was not a part of them. They were MY plans. They would have never worked and I knew that all along. Unfortunately I am stubborn and hung on to those plans for much too long. C'est la vie... a temporarily very sucky vie.

Other plans failed and I'll never know why. I felt they were God plans... but even in the failure, I saw God. Again, c'est la vie.

I don't want to boast in the future. That is, I don't want to boast in my plans for the future. I want to place my hope in the One who has better plans for my life than I could ever come up with... plans, not to harm me, but to prosper me and to give me a hope and a future.

*If you're going to look into the meaning of words, phrases or passages of the Bible, I recommend using Blue Letter Bible. It's pretty enlightening.