Mary Didn't Have A Friggin' Clue

There's this song that rears it's ugly head this time of year. It's called "Mary, Did You Know?" and boy oh boy, do I know. Every year FOR YEARS this woman in my church would sing it around Christmas time. Though I hate it now cause I've heard it so many times, the premise of it really is kind of cool. Here are a few lines of the song...

"Mary, did you know that your Baby Boy is Lord of all creation? 

Mary, did you know that your Baby Boy would one day rule the nations?

Did you know that your Baby Boy is heaven's perfect Lamb?

The sleeping Child you're holding is the Great, I Am."

I think of what Mary was feeling when the angel Gabriel appeared to her. There she was, minding her own business sweeping or something and then BAM - angel of the Lord. He tells her she's going to have a son... even though she's not married and actually hasn't even had sex. Talk about a lot to process. That's why this song is kind of huge. Mary didn't know any of those things! And I bet at the time she was better off for it. Can you imagine if God had downloaded all of that information to her right then and there on the spot... “Not only are you having a son.. but he's actually the Son of God sent to restore mankind to its Creator. And oh by the way, your son will die the most gruesome death in history... but don't worry cause He'll come back to life...” That's heavy stuff! This poor girl probably would have croaked right then and there. 

A couple of months ago I wondered, "Why doesn't God give us the answers we are looking for?" and someone suggested, "Maybe because He knows we can't handle the answers just yet." Mary didn't know anything of what was about to take place over the next 34 years or so but look how things turned out! God's will came to pass and Jesus was born to Mary and Joseph - two teenagers that didn't have a clue what they were doing but knew that they had been given Something Incredible. 

I guess what I'm getting at is this - it's okay to not know. It's okay to not have a frigging clue. I don't know why God doesn't always fill in the blanks we have. Maybe it really is because we can't handle it. Maybe it's because  in the grand scheme of things, it's better if we don't know right now, if at all. 

Luke 1:26-38 says that the angel appeared to Mary and told her two things - first, that she was going to have a son and second, that she was to give him the name Jesus. That's basically the gist of the angel's visit. No “How To Guide” or "Ten Easy Steps to Birthing and Raising the Messiah". But I love it because it speaks of the simplicity of God. In the dealings of the birth of the SON OF GOD we get two tiny details - It's gonna happen, here's His name. And here we are kneeling every night asking God to reveal to us the details of our five-to-ten-year life plan. That kills me. How silly are we!

Sometimes that's all we get; little, simple (and yet power packed) tidbits - “Here's what's going to happen and this is the first thing I want you to do when it does.” It's almost as if there's a tiny hidden asterisk that leads you to a hint, something along the lines of “once you get there you'll find out what to do next.”

I've got a couple things going on in my life where I don't know where they will end up. But God is leading me from one step to the next. I might not know what step 89345 is going to look like... but that's okay. I just need to know the next one. So no, Mary didn't know. And neither do I. And I think that's perfectly alright.

Just Change Lanes

The other day I was driving to pick up a friend. I pulled into the left turning lane at a set of lights and there were several cars in front of me. I sat waiting for the light to change and when it did, I noticed that no one was moving. The light went through two rotations and I sat there wondering what the heck was going on at the front of this line of cars. Maybe an accident that no one had noticed yet? Maybe the guy at the front just wasn't paying attention. Eventually, two cars ahead of me pulled into the lane beside us and began moving forward. As I followed suit, I saw what had been holding up the traffic. There was a pick up truck that had been parked by construction workers in the turning lane. It was at least thirty feet back from the traffic light but it had given other drivers the illusion that there were more cars in front of it. As I passed it, I sort of laughed to myself thinking how silly all of us had been for sitting and waiting and wondering why we just weren't moving.

God used this instance to speak to me about obstacles. In life there are difficulties we face and trials and hard times. These are just a normal part of everyday life. Stuff happens. However, sometimes we see things as obstacles that really are not obstacles at all! But we sit in "traffic" and wonder what the hold up is. Why things in our life aren't progressing or moving as quickly as we expected. Maybe we look to blame others for holding us back or preventing us from moving forward. But in this instance of the parked truck, I felt like God was saying that we were the obstacles. We all just assumed that some buddy at the front of the line was to blame. If we had taken ourselves out of the situation (errr, lane) and noticed for a minute, we all would have made it through the lights on the first go. Sometimes we are so busy and caught up with life that we don't even pay attention to where we are going and what is going on in the world around us. All of a sudden we're wondering what the hold up is... when we are partially to blame!

I don't know if this makes sense to anyone else but it was a fairly clear message to me. Sometimes the things we perceive to be obstacles are really just a revelation of our own oblivion. I feel like sometimes God is saying, "Just change lanes and you'll see!" What a simple idea. I'm not suggesting that you bail on things simply because they are not working out. If God leads you to do something you need to stick with it despite the challenges you may face. However, make sure they are actual problems and not just the appearance of some!  The concept of changing lanes is really about changing your perspective of a situation. Sometimes we look at things only from one angle, like from the back of a line of cars. Pulling over and passing changed everyone's view completely and we were then successful!

To sum it up, as you live your life for God you will encounter setbacks and hold ups. Prayerfully assess the situation from all angles. Check your attitude. Don't blame others. Be thankful for what has been given to you rather than what may have been taken away. Oh, and keep on driving!

The Rest Is Just Details.

God speaks. We listen. We obey. The rest is just details.

That is the absolute easiest way to sum up what I have been trying to learn in the last few weeks. I finally was able to wrap my head around it all today. For all intents and purposes, I'll tell you a little story that will help explain this little concept I've discovered.

Let's say you felt God leading you to wear brown shoes. (Just go with me on this one okay...) You put on the brown shoes and wear them with pride. Every now and then you check back with God making sure you made the right choice and you just know the brown shoes were the right choice. Then suddenly without warning, you feel God leading you to take off the brown shoes. But wait... didn't God just say not too long ago to put on the brown shoes? And you dotted all the i's and crossed all the t's and wore them the right way... so why are you being asked to take off the brown shoes?

The point is not that God lead you to the brown shoes. The point is that He spoke.
The point is not that you put on the brown shoes. The point is that you obeyed.
The point is not that you went about it the right way. The point is that you kept seeking God.
The point is not that God told you to take off the brown shoes. The point is that God is speaking again.

God speaks. We listen. We obey. The rest is just details. The shoes, the length of time we wear them, when we take them off, if we ever put them back on again... those are just details.

Ultimately everything in my life boils down to this - it's between me and God. Everything else is just details. How I treat my family - detail. How I spend my money - detail. What church I attend - detail. What company I keep - detail. Everything starts and ends with my relationship with God. Where I'm at with God affects everything else in my life. Everything else in my life should not be affecting where I'm at with God.

It might sound complicated at first. I've wrestled with this all day yesterday and today just trying to understand why God would say "wear brown shoes" and then later say "take off the brown shoes". He's not contradicting Himself or changing His mind or whatever... or maybe He is... but that's not the point. The point is that He's speaking and I'm listening. And I'm going to obey. Not because it's easy or I like it or it makes sense to me. But because I told God I'd stop doing my own thing and start listening to Him. I hope you'll choose to do the same.

The Grand Canyon Doesn't Have An Ego Problem

"You've got to be more careful while driving. What could you have possibly seen that would make you swerve all the way into the other lane?"

"Quite possibly one of the seven wonders of the world."

I over heard this part of a conversation recently and not only did it make me blush, it got me to thinking - what does the world think is wonderful?

In reference to the seven wonders of the world, there are technically two categories - seven wonders of the ancient world and seven wonders of the natural world. The seven of the ancient world are manmade and are symbols of great architectural accomplishments, such as the Great Pyramid of Giza, the Colossus at Rhodes or the Statue of Zeus at Olympia. The seven of the natural world are formed by no man and leave little room for doubts of a Creator. These wonders include the Aurora Borealis (Northern Lights), Victoria Falls and Mount Everest.

Interestingly enough, the Great Pyramid of Giza is the only of the seven wonders of the natural world that is still in existence. The existence of the other six have been proved by excavation, with the exception of the Hanging Gardens of Babylon. However, the seven natural wonders of the world remain. In fact, great amounts of tourism surround many of the sights, such as snorkeling in the Great Barrier Reef or hikes into the Grand Canyon.

By no means do I aim to discount the grandeur of the seven wonders of the ancient world. What they once were and even the remains of each are quite intriguing and are full of historical significance. But there is something to be said of that which remains - wonders not formed by the hand of any man.

It's as if the heart of God were to say - Do you see all that surrounds you? The beauty and the height of Mount Everest does not even reach close to the basement floor of the heavens. I have carved the Grand Canyon with my bare hands, each crack and crevice was planned and placed specifically. The Northern Lights that dance across the sky are painted new every night as with the sun rising in the east and setting in the west. 

There is no doubt that the purpose of all creation is to bring God praise. Even the rocks will cry out, right? May we stand in wonder of all His hands have made. May we stand in wonder of the grace He has shown and the mercy He has bestowed upon us.

To be counted as a wonder, what would you choose - made by the hands of man or by the very breath of Almighty God? Are people amazed by your skills and talents? Or are they drawn to the bigger picture that you use those abilities for? I guess what I'm trying to say is that I want people to see the God in me.  

"For the foolishness of God is wiser than man's wisdom, and the weakness of God is stronger than man's strength.. Therefore, as it is written: 'Let him who boasts boast in the Lord.'" (1 Corinthians 1:25, 31) May the life I live speak of God's glory, not my own. May it draw others to Him. Does the Grand Canyon have an ego problem? No, because he knows his sole purpose is to magnify the creative mastermind that is the Lord. The seven wonders of the natural world are merely vessels, messengers that speak of God's greatness.

May my life do the same. And may it be wonderful.

Dam It.

You know what used to really annoy me? I'd be scrolling through Facebook or Twitter and I would see people's posts and tweets about how great their day was or how happy they are or something along the lines of "oh man, so blessed!!!" All this cheerful happy stuff was all over the place. Now, I'm no debbie downer. But hearing about all these other people being happy really annoyed me. Probably because I was jealous. I wasn't able to say the same things. Sure, things in my life were good. But I didn't have this gushing joy that I saw other people have. I was happy... but I wasn't joyful. I found myself trying to figure out why these people... who serve the same God I serve... who go to the same church I do... or who work the same job I do... where was their joy coming from?

Growing up in church, you learn about how sin separates you from God. People use the analogy of a wall of sin. I think we sometimes down play the huge ugly nature of sin. I think that not only does sin block us from getting to God, it blocks Him from getting to us. Now, I'm not saying that sin is more powerful than God or that sin can stop God. Nothing can stop God. God is great, mighty and powerful. But when we sin... and keep sinning... and keep ignoring the voice of God... we are building a huge frigging wall. Actually, it's a dam. When we sin, we are building a dam.

A dam keeps water from moving to a certain area. Think of God as the water. Think of His goodness and mercy and grace and love as the water. When we have crap in our lives (and chose to keep it there), we are blocking out all of God's goodness.

The other day I asked God, "Why all this goodness? Why now and not before?" And instantly I pictured the dam. Why did my life lack joy? Because I was blocking God out. Do I still have bad days? Sure. But I have found joy again. I'm that obnoxious tweeter going on about how I just don't have the words to describe how great God is and how faithful He has been. It was all within reach... on the other side of the dam.

This sin thing is no joke. If you can't figure out what's missing and why you feel empty even when you have so much... check your heart. No dam is worth keeping. God's gushing joy is so totally worth giving up whatever you've placed between you and God.You know that thing that hangs in the back of your mind and you just can't shake it? That's God speaking to you. Truth is though, you probably already knew that.

Would Holy Spirit bring popcorn or doritos?

I wrote this a few weeks ago and forgot to post it. Still perfectly relevant to my life though... 

Proverbs 27:1 says this - “Do not boast about tomorrow, for you do not know what a day may bring.”

When I first read this, I wondered the meaning behind the use of the word "boast". So, I looked it up.* The word boast here means to brag, go on and on or show excessive excitement. I like The Message translation which says, "Do not brashly announce what you're going to do tomorrow..."

"Does this mean I can't be stoked to about my life, even the God stuff?" I don't really think that's what this is referring to. 

See, I am a planner. I like to be organized and set for the day(s) ahead. In my job, I like to plan menus days in advance so I can prepare food ahead of time. I like to know what needs to happen and at what time. I feel like this is a good way for me to operate, especially when dealing with other people's food.

In life, I am a planning failure. Let me rephrase that - I have made plans. They have frequently failed. I heard the saying recently, "People plan and God laughs." It's not that God's a jerk sitting up in heaven going, "Hey Jesus, watch this.. what is she thinking? Oh man... I hope she let's me step in soon." (I'd like to think that They don't make snacks and settle in to watch for hours as I make a mess of my life, though it is a funny thought to picture...) 

My parents often ask me, "Where do you see yourself in five years?" I hate this question. It's rather unrealistic. Five years ago, I would have no idea I would be where I am right now, nor would I have any clue as to all that I have experienced in my last five years of living. 


I understand that you need to have goals to motivate yourself and give some sense of direction to your life. But as I said, I have made plans. And they have failed. So, why do plans fail?

Some of them failed because God was not a part of them. They were MY plans. They would have never worked and I knew that all along. Unfortunately I am stubborn and hung on to those plans for much too long. C'est la vie... a temporarily very sucky vie.

Other plans failed and I'll never know why. I felt they were God plans... but even in the failure, I saw God. Again, c'est la vie.

I don't want to boast in the future. That is, I don't want to boast in my plans for the future. I want to place my hope in the One who has better plans for my life than I could ever come up with... plans, not to harm me, but to prosper me and to give me a hope and a future.

*If you're going to look into the meaning of words, phrases or passages of the Bible, I recommend using Blue Letter Bible. It's pretty enlightening. 

World Changers

There's a great bunch of people I know that are frequently referred to as "World Changers". Throughout my life I've come to know a lot of people that could be put into this category of All Things Awesome. They are doing things to make a difference in the lives of others.

Someone once asked me, "How am I supposed to be a so-called world changer? The world is huge and I'm just one person. Can I actually make that big of a difference?" This is a legit question. You are just one person. I've also heard this quote that pretty much sums it all up - "To the world, you are one person. But to one person, you could be the world."

Being a world changer isn't just about changing THE world... not all at once anyway. But to change one person's world, to change one person's view of God or of Christianity... that is possible.

Can you make someone a cup of coffee? Can you hold open the door? Can you help someone with their groceries? Can you lend someone spare change at the cash register? Can you rake your neighbors leaves? Can you help your little brother with homework? Can you put away the extra grocery carts in the parking lot?

If you can do those things, you can change someone's world. If we all do those things... if we all make small steps to change someone's world... together, we can change THE world.

Shout outs to those who have changed my world, in both simple and epic ways. I am incredibly blessed by you.

Are You Freaking Kidding Me.

About a year and a half ago, that sentence frequented my vocabulary. There were a lot of changes taking place in my life, all of which I had absolutely no control over. It was frustrating and heart breaking. Sure, that sounds a bit dramatic but quite frankly it was one of the most difficult times in my life thus far. I stood almost in disbelief half the time when faced with circumstances and decisions that I was not prepared to deal with. With each twist and turn I tried desperately to understand the "bigger picture" and purpose behind it all. As my life fell apart, I often said to myself, "Are you freaking kidding me."

A year and a half later, as I watch every last little bit of my life fall back into place, I keep saying to myself the same thing - "Are you freaking kidding me." I am overwhelmed with where God has brought me to over these last four years. I am so blessed. That's not a cliche little expression to me anymore.

While driving recently, I said to God, "Why me? Who am I that you would bless me with such great things? What could I have ever done to deserve all You've given me?" And you know what He said - "I don't need a reason to tell you I love you. You're my kid. It's never been about what you've done. It's always been about what I have done for you. There's nothing you could do to make me love you more or make me love you less. You're my kid and that's it."

I guess it just hit me. I know God loves me. We grow up in church hearing that all the time. But to get it... to really grasp that His love for me has absolutely nothing to do with me and everything to do with Him... that's something else. All I know is I'm so incredibly grateful. I have a warm bed, good food, great mentors, awesome friends, multiple families... And it's not because I deserve any of it.

If you've been wondering lately if the storm will end and the good times will roll once again... know that they do. It's taken so long for me but it's over. Those storms do pass and God is with you. Don't give up, ever. God will not leave you or abandon you.

There's a light at the end of the tunnel. And it's so freaking worth it.

Rotten Strawberries

I am a cook at a camp. I spend a solid 8-10 hours in the kitchen a day. Tomorrow I'm heading into the third week of cooking for a group of about 100 people. Tonight I made chocolate and strawberry milkshakes. And yes, it did bring all the boys to the yard.

I decided to jazz them up a little bit with some chocolate chips and sliced strawberries. When I took out my packages of berries I was pretty disappointed. Several of them had gone bad. As I sorted through them trying to salvage enough for my dessert, I noticed that one moldy berry was usually connected to three or four on either side.

I've heard it said, "Show me your friends and I'll show you your future." Looking at those berries reminded me that you can't help but be affected by those you are surrounded by. Sometimes it's intentional- they're your best friends. Sometimes it's coincidental - they're your co-workers or classmates. What are those people like? Do they add joy to your life? Do they inspire you to be more like Christ? Do they motivate you to change?

And what about you - Are you a bad berry? Are you polluting the lives of others? Is the crap in your life rubbing off on those around you?

Just something to think about.

Cougar Dating

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Along with one for Cougar Dating, I've been receiving some strange junk mail over the last few months.

The content of junk mail emails has always struck me funny. It's clear that our society struggles to find contentment. We seem to always be searching for ways to make our waists smaller and below the waists bigger. It's all about bigger and better or smaller and sleeker. We are constantly bombarded with the concept of upgrading and improving all that we have, from relationships to technology.  So many products are created to emphasize, enhance or exaggerate the pre-existing state of different areas of our lives. Truth is we very rarely promote being content with what we have.

Hebrews 13:5 says, "Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, “Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.”

We live in a fallen world where nothing earthly can satisfy us. As a result of sin, we are seperated from the One who tells us we are worth something, that we are good enough, that we matter. In turn, we spend excessive amounts of time and money trying to be better, look better or live better so that others will approve of us and give us a sense of validation.

Donald Miller puts it this way in Searching for God Knows What: 

"Imagine how much a man's life would be changed if he trusted that he was loved by God? He could interact with the poor and not show partiality, he could love his wife easily and not expect her to redeem him, he would be slow to anger because redemption was no longer at stake, he could be wise and giving with his money because money no longer represented points, he could give up on formulaic religion, knowing that checking stuff off on a spiritual to-do list was a worthless pursuit, he would have confidence and the ability to laugh at himself, and he would love people without expecting anything in return. It would be quite beautiful, really."

To be content with what you have, as mentioned in Hebrews, can be difficult. Unless, however, the thing that you have is the Thing that redeems mankind from all of it's crap and establishes true worth and validation.

I am content right now. I am really happy with where I am in life and where I am in the world even. I haven't been able to say that for a really long time so I know it must be true. I am content with what I have though I cannot hold it in my hands.

Flaws For The Win

The problem with blogging is that you have to slow down life long enough to blog about the cool things you're learning. That's been happening a lot for me lately, hence the lack of blogs. 

Today is the first day of week one at Circle Square Ranch. I'm on staff this year as the instructor for the discipleship training program we offer for potential staff. I've got 15 students this year - 5 girls and 10 boys. Caraaaazy. I'm excited to meet them this afternoon and get to know their stories. 

CSR welcomes kids from all over the area and from different religious backgrounds and family dynamics. Some of the DIT students come from single parent homes or foster care. While these students have already accepted Christ and are seeking to serve Him through this camp ministry, I know that a lot of them are coming from difficult circumstances. As I thought about the youth I'll be working with for the next four weeks, I remembered 1 Corinthians 1:26-31. It goes a little something like this...

" Brothers and sisters, think of what you were when you were called. Not many of you were wise by human standards; not many were influential; not many were of noble birth. But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong. God chose the lowly things of this world and the despised things—and the things that are not—to nullify the things that are, so that no one may boast before him. It is because of him that you are in Christ Jesus, who has become for us wisdom from God—that is, our righteousness, holiness and redemption. Therefore, as it is written: “Let the one who boasts boast in the Lord.”

These high schoolers are all called to be here this summer. More importantly they are called to respond to the Great Commission to go into the world and preach the Gospel, making disciples, baptizing them... hello! So while I know some of them have stories that will make me laugh or even break my heart, I know that God isn't looking for perfect people to spread the Good News. In fact, the more imperfect, the better! I don't know about you, but I'm full of imperfections. The beauty of it though is that His strength is made perfect in our weakness. Our lives are to be lived for His glory, not our own. 

I want to brag about God. I want people to look at me and see God in me. It's not about me and what I can do in my own human strength. It's about using the gifts God has given me to draw people to Christ. I'm excited to work with these students and see them grow closer to God. I'm glad that even when the world says we're not good enough God says that we're exactly what He's been looking for. 

Don't touch your female cousin.

What?!

That's exactly what I thought too when I found that written in the back of an old notebook. I have a problem with starting to use notebooks and never finishing them. I found one just last night with only two pages used in the front from late 2009. As I flipped through the pages to the very back, I noticed this very strange sentence written on the top of the page - Don't touch your female cousin. I didn't recognize the handwriting but knew it certainly was not my own. I went to bed wondering not only who wrote it but why. Why would someone write that in my notebook?

Earlier today I was talking with my best friend and favorite Maritimer, @CourtneyWarnell. As we caught up on recent life events we started talking about the influence of various music artists, particularly Lady Gaga. I know what you're thinking - Is she seriously tackling the controversial subject matter of Lady Gaga? This is only her second blog post, is she insane? Not quite. I mentioned one of Gaga's latest songs Judas and how the lyrics seem to mix together the characters of Jesus Christ, Judas (the betrayer of Jesus), Peter (the one who denied Christ 3 times), and even the woman who washed Jesus' feet with her hair as a sign of her love for Christ. (Luke 7:44) Courtney and I wondered how someone could read the Bible and gather such a distorted understanding of these characters. From a marketing point of view I suppose it's quite strategic. I'm sure that twice as many people have listened to the song because they've heard it's "controversial" or "blasphemous" and want to check it out for themselves. Personally, I think it's sensationalism more than anything else.

As we talked it occurred to me that when people who don't know God personally read the Bible, it just doesn't hold the same meaning. It doesn't all connect. 1 Corinthians 1:19 says, "For the message of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God." I think that unless you're reading the Bible with the intent of finding truth about God, it's not going to hold the same significance. 

Later on in the conversation I mentioned to Courtney the strange note I found. We laughed as she reminded me of a sermon we had heard and some story about dating someone who turned out to be a family member. (They were probably from West Virginia...) And then it clicked - Don't touch your female cousin sounds weird and pretty creepy. But, in the context of the story (and in the form of a joke) it made a lot more sense and it slightly decreases the creep factor. It also helps that I know the author. 

When we read the Bible, we should be listening for what God is trying to say to us. That's where the "be quick to listen" part of James 1:19 comes into play. I think being quick to listen means being ready ready, being prepared, moving forward with an expectancy in our hearts. Being quick to listen means purposefully turning your ears (and your heart) to listen to what God has to say. As @gillyadam puts it, when you can't hear the voice of God, you can always read it. If you're reading God's Word with the desire to learn and grow, you're going to be challenged and changed. If you're looking to the most popular book ever written to write a song that will top the charts and stir up a little controversy, well, you're kinda missing the point.

 

What I swore I would never do.

Blogging.

I swore I would never write a blog. I have two reasons for this.

Over the past few years I've used the Notes section on Facebook for airing my thoughts on both meaningful and random topics. While for the most part this has been enjoyable, I once wrote an opinionated piece about something I knew little about. While I may have shared some good points I also offended some people who were very close to me. This was never my intent but I wrote without knowing all the facts first. I am starting this blog in an attempt to practice being slow to speak, as encouraged in James 1:19. 

The second reason I've never started an official blog is because I've often felt guilty about whoring myself out in that way. While I have a strong (and often vocal) personality, I just don't like the feel of, "Hey you! Stop what you're doing because it's meaningless. Read my blog because it's going to change your life!" That's awkward. By no means do I think my words are anything great on their own. However, I do have the opportunity to be used by God for greater things. I'm starting this blog because sometimes God inspires me and whether people read it or not, I want to be able to write about it.

My hopes for this blog is to give readers yet another peak into my silly mind. I want to share things that make me laugh, things that make me think, things that break my heart, things that I just don't understand. I'm on a journey and I hope that you'll join me as I'm learning to be... Slow to Speak.